I could of killed him (But I didn't)

The Agent that said he liked my show TOP BOY and how (in today's world) I could of ruined his life, but chose not too.

I don’t understand this world much anymore. We seem to love to ruin people. Especially in this country. And the people that do it are the ones that seem to mostly preach about being kind and understanding and inclusive. But from their pillars of virtue they have no time for compassion, understanding or accountability of themselves or their colleagues or even thinking about what things were like at a certain time.

They just take today’s lense and throw it over everything like people can’t learn or change or evolve. it’s just. ‘You did this. We’re perfect and you should DIE.” Make no bones about it, when they do what they did to me and have continued to do. they wanted me to DIE.

At least, they say what they say in the forum they say it knowing that you dying is a real possibility and don’t care one bit.

- He can’t possibly survive after this. -

But what kind of people do that? Usually people that think the are so right they cannot be wrong.

The people that are so into what there hear they cannot believe for a second there might be more going on or another answer.

But what happens when you take a moment? Take a breath? Think properly about what you could do to someones life?

2020

Not long after the George Floyd death. (Before we knew that he was a questionable character, which does not excuse the way he was killed) People were filled with rage. It’s was the height of the Black Lives Matter moment. (Not the Movement) the moment, because that’s what it ended up being. But it was when it was all about the way black people really get treated, how they felt about it, and how others who are racist or those who are not, that “don’t see colour” still didn’t understand.

I was filled with rage myself. There were so many things I wanted to say about the way I’d been treated my whole career. Not knowing worse racism (and other things) were to come. I felt like a hungry tiger just being let out of a cage in a zoo full of scared non athletic (probably tasty) people.

I would highlight it only a month late in a golden globes interview where I said

“If I’m being really honest, I think what I’m most proud of is surviving. There have been a lot of barriers and blockades. Sometimes you know they are there. Sometimes you think they are there, but you are told you’re crazy or you’re wrong or you’re angry. To see everything that’s happening in the world now makes me realize, ‘No, these things were there.’ And I knew they were there. However, I survived and I’m still here”.

https://goldenglobes.com/articles/noel-clarke-im-proud-ive-survived/

But in that moment of black people speaking out. One thing stuck out which was less about overt racism and the people that had blocked me. It was a highlight of the absolute ignorance and disrespect that people showed people like me, and here is where it gets interesting, and where real thought comes in.

An agent. A professional in the business I work in. A high level one as well had sent me this email only months before.

This man was not only telling me the show I supposedly was in, was “not his thing” which in fine as an opinion, but after knowing me personally and professionally for over decade was basically telling me that he thought I was a completely different black actor with a different name and age. (The irony that he talks about marginalisation and struggle)

Don’t defend it.

You have to understand.

This is not what I call a mistake.

This is ignorance, laziness, disrespect unconscious bias and systematic prejudice at its highest. Thinking Eddie Redman is Matthew good is fine if you don’t know them personally.

But knowing one or both for years and then thinking one is the other in a show that’s been on screen for years is not acceptable. We’re not twins. And when you factor how much it happens to people that look like me it’s certainly not right.

And this was not a member of the public. This is a professional in the buisness who couldn’t even be bothered to know if I was someone else in a show that first debut in 2012 and he’d know me longer than that. Not Cool.

I could almost buy the mistake if he wasn’t an actual agent whose job it IS to know people in the business. Indeed as I said, people make mistakes and some people do indeed mistake the other actor for me. But again when you factor in all the above it’s just not acceptable. And although I can’t just call him a racist, this is systematic dismissive disrespect, And at that time if i’d need him he would have been witch hunted.

What happened next was crazy. I posted this account and immediately people started baying for his blood.

“Name and Shame.”

“finish him”

“He needs to not work again.”

You can still find some of the tweets up. They turned on me quickly too and were telling me I “had to name him”. “For black people”. “To stop people like him doing this to others”. “If he’s like this to you how do smaller actors have a chance”.

I’m paraphrasing above but similar things were said.

And there was the choice I had to make.

If I named this man at the height of all that George Floyd rage. All the virtue signalling companies that were posting their black squares like they really gave a fuck about me or any other black actors, (Months later after all lauding me for making them endless money and shows. they would throw me to the wolves in 24hours flat) Would have crucified him.

But right at that point in 2020 not long after George floods death. If I mentioned who this agent was.

He would have been DONE!

Not only would he have been done. Probably the whole agency would have. including other peoples jobs too.

Clients would have left.

People in the industry, including (people he thinks are) his friends would have ran from him.

I knew that. After years of feeling like an unwanted stepchild I had a chance to get back at someone who was part of the problem. But this man, had a job, and career that he had built up. He had a family. A wife and kids.

So I didn’t name him. Much to the annoyance of many.

At the time I dealt with what happened by emailing him. I told him how I felt, how bad it was. He knew what would happen if it got out it was him. He knew. He came and met me and we discussed it. He said sorry and I accepted it and that was that.

When all the black lives was happening the agent emailed me and trusted that I still wouldn’t name him and I didn’t, Because he knew his mistake and most likely won’t make that mistake again. I did my part. It’s not for me to be judge and jury for another humans mistake.

—

When all my stuff happened a year later. (And now 4 years ago) he never contacted me. And never has. He didn’t have to I guess. It didn’t matter that I’d spared him or how I had been to him. He obviously decided where he sat with what he heard and it was just a further lesson of don’t expect anything from anyone no matter what you have done for them.

Ultimately I think i’ve learned that i’m just not a person that could do to someone what was done to me, not when there are so many factors in life and it could be handled differently.

You don’t have to be so angry that you will destroy people lives. You just don’t have too.

I wouldn’t/couldn’t do it. And haven’t. It’s just not me.

They nearly killed me when they did what they did. They really nearly did. And nearly have done since.

In terms of this Agent, still out there doing what he does.

I could’ve killed him (But I didn’t)