ALL WOMEN??!!
How my Female Preist convinced me to come back and volunteer at a women's charity and what happened next.
So I’ve been doing work with a Homeless women’s charity for a while. It’s a proper charity that makes sure homeless women have a place to sleep and eat, an evening meal and then breakfast for most of the week. I won’t name them for fear they are blasted with people asking why I was allowed there.
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After everything happened I honestly didn’t want to do anything. I was almost not here/alive a couple of times. I 100% didn’t want to be around women. Not because what was said about me was all fact, but because I know THE facts. I know, actually what’s what, and couldn't and still can’t believe all the things said and who said them.
Long story short I started to just think women were evil like apparently ALL MEN are and thought why the fuck would I want to help any woman ever again after people I helped for over decade in every way imaginable said all that was said about me.
Believe them all if you want. That’s the phrase right? We’ll see.
So there I was last Autum in Church when my Preist who is also a woman asked me to come back and help as not enough people were volunteering.
“No way. I couldn’t care less” was my initial response. “It’ll be a cold day in hell before I do that” (Don’t think the priest appreciated that one), but after long conversation about forgiveness and not everyone being the same, including bad people and her asking me “Even if everything about you was real. Wouldn’t you want a second chance?”
I would of course. Not that i’ve been given any. the Guardian saw to that.
I asked her to find out if the Charity could check I was actually going to be allowed still. If they were, I said i’d give it a go.
I had to check if I was allowed, because since the Guardian printed that article(s) and all hell broke loose and everything I’d ever worked for was lost in 24hrs. I’ve not been able to do anything in the profession I love or anywhere else for that matter. Not only did the newspaper stop my work. They stopped my ability to work and it’s now been 3.5 years.
That’s right. The very paper I read and supported. This beautiful liberal, inclusive truthful 😂😂😂😂 source of news, destroyed the life of a working class, council estate Black man, in just 24hrs who then wasn’t evens spoken to by the police.
Anyway. Since then, The amount of times I have nearly had opportunities to get back to doing things, Mentoring, talks at uni’s, little bits or writing or anything like that. it gets so far only for there to be 1 person - (That’s all it takes) - say oooooh I’m offended or I don’t feel comfortable, or not him, or I’d love him involved but it’s not worth the backlash we’'ll get. And stops everything, Your chances, your progress, Your life.
1 Person.
Just 1.
Forget the other 99 or 999 that are fine or indifferent.
Just 1 person.
That’s where this country is. We cater for the 1% that make the most noise.
So on the day I was going to help the charity I was weirdly nervous. Bare in mind i’m not a person or at least didn’t used to be a person that got nervous. “You are where you’re meant to be, so why be nervous or apologetic about it”, is how i’ve always been.
The last time I remembered being nervous was that day I got the last BAFTA, because I knew about all the anonymous emails that were flying around calling me vile things and what they were planning. What BAFTA had already tried to do to me 24 hours before this, and was trying to navigate it all out in my head at the time. So what was supposed to be one of the best days of my life turned into the 2nd worse.
So back to the Charity - I arrive at the Church. I’m greeted by a woman who asks me to help unloading the van. I’m ready though. Ready to get into an argument. I’m ready for someone to say something, I’m ready to lose it on some simp Beta male or get into a conversation with a woman about why she’s being unfair.
And you know what happened?
Nothing.
Everyone was nice. We got on and made up the beds, made all the food, set all the tables, laughed, joked, chatted and made sure all the homeless women would have the most comfortable night, and best food they could. At first I thought people didn’t know what had been said about me and at some point someone would bring it up and I would have to lose it of leave angrily. Turns out they did.
They didn’t care.
They didn’t believe it was in context, or fair.
And even those who are staunch Guardian readers like I used to be thought it unbalanced and clearly without merit.
So I kept going, all autumn and all winter. Until it stopped at the start of summer.
- Now there is a question about why most of these charities stop helping in summer but that’s a conversation for another day and comes down to funding -
Helping these homeless women really allowed me to get back to doing good things for women like I always have. Problem is this.
1 - People you do good for are never as vocal as people who are upset, which is why restaurant websites will more likely get a complaint than people saying how good it is. Because it’s supposed to be good.
2 - Everyones scared for their own shit. So no-one wants to help you if it may affect them. That’s FEAR and fear is real.
But being at the women’s charity helped me heal more than I thought and realise that even though supposedly ALL MEN are a danger, that I didn’t have to think people thought I was and I didn’t have to now have a grudge against ALL women for what was done to me by a few.
I loved every minute of it and some days we’d go as a family and help. I looked forward to it. Not for me. For them. Every week we made sure these women didn’t have to sleep on the streets and had a hot dinner, a breakfast and a safe place to stay. And when autumn returns. I’ll do it all over again.
Actually brought tears to my eyes reading this. Vast majority of people in this world are ar*eholes, so when you find some that aren’t, cling onto them, wherever you find them ❤️
It takes strength and courage to face your fears, you entered that environment adamant that you would be judged by the untruths told by the tabloids, the thing is brother, true people can see beyond the lies, true people judge what they see for themselves. What we see is a caring soul, although fragile at times, strong enough to face adversity and do good, do good for those less fortunate than you, for those that need help
For that, I applaud you, I respect you.
Take care of yourself, what goes around comes around, you are already shining bright, and others can see this……