Boys don't cry, but it's okay if they do (sometimes)

I hugged my son the other day, but it was more than that and we both knew it. (Shout out to boy parents)

I hugged my son the other day, and it wasn’t just a morning hug. It also wasn’t just a “how are you doing?” hug.

Bare in mind I hug a lot. I’m a hugger generally. It’s something I didn’t get from my father who wasn't around to do so, so i’ve made sure that I hug my kids more than most might. We’re a huggy family, but it wasn’t just one of those regular hugs that my kids are used to from Daddy.

It was different. Now my oldest is 17. He’s a beautiful young man inside and out. Could maybe show a bit more empathy, but he’s probably got that from me. Although I’ve changed over the years. But the kid is a good soul.

So we were passing in the hallway and I just stopped and hugged him and held him and I said I love you. I understand you. I’m here for you.

I did it because I think it’s really hard for young men nowadays. They're not seen as a kid, but there're not quite a grown men. They don’t get the luxury of being called “boys” when they look a certain way or have a growth/strength spurt. As a boy you can be dumb and naive as shit but the moment there is bit of fluff on your face your a “Youth” or “Man” and are treated as such when your brain has maybe not developed to that point yet.

What I think makes it harder for young men to navigate life is they get painted with the brush of the bad ones (of which there are of course) but they also get blamed for things that are nothing to do with them, when others don’t want to take any accountability. “Oh that’s happens because of young men.”

Navigating dating is nigh on impossible where now a young man can’t look at a girl they fancy for too long, because it’s “Harassment” but they also can’t ignore someone they are not interested in themselves and not look at them because it makes them a “Mysoginist abuser who Ignores contributions contributions”.**

**(Both of the above the above I was accused of, on the same job, by the same person on a job from 18 years ago. Apparently I looked too long on some days but them didn’t look enough on others)

Anyway …

Approaching someone a young man may like is considered Creepy, but looking at their social media that even early 30 year olds did a few years back is now creepy too.

WTF? is it just swipe, swipe, swipe now? How do people meet now? Why are people shocked Birth rates are declining in the west mostly. (google it) It’s not just cost of living. Young men are demonised for even looking at woman they like.

Young men get told they have to be in touch with their emotions which is true, but if they don’t show enough and stay impassive and Guarded with emotions they are labelled toxic.

Then if they show too much emotion they are called weak by peers, by women that want “strong men”.

Then if young men show the wrong type of emotion - or it’s deemed to be at the wrong time, like anger which can help motivate aggression in sport as long as it’s controlled - It’s just called toxic masculinity.

Young man are facing difficult times and not only do I not know who’s supporting them. I don’t know who is teaching young men to regulate emotions when they get blasted at both sides fr too much or too little. Their dads? Maybe sure. But a lot of dads in my generation of men, didn’t have the guidance themselves. I didn’t. I never ever once had a hug from a father that told me it was okay to be vulnerable at times but also that sometimes you just gotta NUT UP (and that’s not Toxic, it’s just fucking fact)

Nobody taught me to regulate emotions and I have struggled at times because of that.

Balancing how to be assertive, driven, demanding but stoic without being seen as toxic, numb or devoid of feeling. With being able to be emotional, cry and express when needed, without being seen as a male who lacks strength, resilience, or emotional maturity is so damn hard.

—

That is why I hugged my son the way I did. That different hug. I will be that for him. For ALL my boys. Not because i’m perfect, but so they can know the journey is not as hard because I am here.

So this is a shout out to all the present dads and all the single moms raising boys and young men. Take that time to stop and not just be there, but Let them know you are, because as big as my boy is. When I did that. He nestled his head into my neck and he smiled, He acknowledged my words and my hug.

It wasn’t just that I needed to give it.

He needed to get it.

Tell your sons you love them, you’re here, you understand, because boys don’t cry. but it’s okay if they do (Sometimes)