Let’s get straight to the point I’m 48. I’m not young anymore. I’m not as spritely anymore and I’m not perfect, like so many others claim to be. I’ve had the worst 3 years of my life, and been called every name under the sun. Mostly by people I used to support and look after in numerous ways, others that believe what they did was justified and some who believe they’ll never be found out. They’ve said shit, I’ve said shit, but ultimately is it all worth it?
I ask this simple because we’re not even here that long are we?
And I now I’ve become aware of the things that most likely are going to end my parents lives. I can see the end. Both are in their 80’s and bar being hit by a bus or any surprise issue, both have been diagnosed with the thing that’s most likely gonna take them out and it feels weird to know this but it is what it is. What do you do when you know this sot of information? What can you do? If my issues hadn’t happened I’d get the best private care I could. I can’t do that now so rest assured those people will get a fair amount of blame when the inevitable comes earlier than it could. So what can I really do. The truth is nothing. So I now have to rebuild my life while making sure I spend enough time and make sure my kids spend enough time with their grandparents before what ever goes down goes down.
I look at my parents getting frailer and it’s Sad. I see my Dad that man that didn’t raise me, that ignored me, that was never around really while all the while living 50 yards away. I look at him now as an amazing Grandfather that loves his grandchildren more than he understands. I see the tears every everytime we leave his place and he knows it’ll be a few weeks before we all get round again.
I look at my mum that strong woman that raised me, that went to the parents evenings, the athletic meets, knew my girlfriends and has endured so, so, so, much that I can’t tell you right now. I look at her not as strong physically or mentally but still keeping her pride. Her dignity. I look at her and I wonder where those sorts of women are nowadays and It’s sad.
I don’t know how long anyone has in the race of life. None of us do. And while I’m not rushing it at all I do know that my parents are on the final lap and many of you may be in the same situation. So make the time count, find time to make those special moments and if those relationships are fractured, reach out, build bridges, fix things because we’re not here that long and you don’t know how many special moments you got left.
A poem I try and live by
Thought it might help
Desiderata:
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Max Ehrmann 1927
Surround yourself with people who are not out for anything (but you know that). You might not be as financially well off as before but you have been given quality time to spend with your wife, kids and parents, they may have been put on the backburner a few years ago. The question is it all worth it? Hmm i think you have the right to reply to anyone who has falsely bad mouthed you, get it out your system or it will fester. There comes a point (you will know) where you're not interested in firing back, that's a good place to be. People keep saying to me life is too short to be falling out with this person and holding a grudge, i agree to a point (depends what they've done to me) however, life is far too short for me to have these assholes in my life. I choose peace and always a smile. Keep smiling and keep upbeat no matter what.