RACING TO THE BIG 5.0

I loved my life 10 years ago. Maybe I shouldn't have. The friends who were friends were not friends and the ones who were not really, were. Confused? Me too but hindsight is a wonderful thing.

So while my mum forgets more and more by the day, my Dad has so many issues It’s kind of disheartening to see. It gets me thinking about getting them both on Legal Cannabis to be honest to relieve symptoms.

It’s also got me thinking about age. Because one day if I get to their age, that could be me. In fact, i’ve realised if I make it to the end of 2025 I’ll be the big 5.0. Not sure how that happened. I first appeared or screen at 22 have busted my ass ever since.

Metrosexuality age 22

I worked for 20+ years without issue and I got to the peak in the UK, but the last few years after Sirin Kale and Lucy Osbourne’s article, which cost me everything, I’ve not been working as you know. The whole thing has made me think about my 40th birthday and how so much has changed.

My 40th was a surprise. Organised by my wife, who was assisted by my business partner at the time and another work colleague TINA *(Not real name) who happily made a lot of the calls, emails to get people to attend, liaised with my wife and got me a really thoughtful gift.

I remember the day clearly. We’d not long had our 3rd baby and suddenly I was being asked to go to dinner without him. I remember saying, I’ m not leaving without him and bringing the baby carrier along to the venue and when I walked in everyone shouting SURPRISE and me pointing down saying ssssssssh.

I’m not sure why I did that. Maybe the shock to my ego that everyone had managed to pull this off without me finding out. The not being in control of the situation, maybe me trying to take back control by saying sssssh you’ll wake the baby.

The venue was full of acting and film industry friends. Many that I’d helped and given jobs too, and a few people that we knew from the kids schools. It was a joyous evening spent with people that i had love for and had love for me. It was all fun at the time, Actresses LIDIA and HANNAH (not their real names) got very jolly and made it a funny evening. Actor TIMMY (not real name) asked me to be patron of his charity. Actor AVI (Not. real name) spent a lot of time following my mrs around and keeping her compnay as I was pulled every which way. Actor GUNTHER (Not real name) was taking selfies with some of the school mums that were fans. And people that weren’t in the industry like NISH and SARA (Not real names) chilled and mingled with actors they’d seen on the box, it was a beautiful mix of people from all walks of life.

Fast forward 10 years later. And I look back on that night in a very different way.

So LIDIA and HANNAH not only got Jolly. “Allegedly” they were rowdy drunk and kept ordering so many drinks that my wife had to close the tab as it was reaching the thousands because these two kept ordering. We also nearly got kicked out the venue on the night because HANNAH decided to fuck a producer on the toilet floor. Then when she didn’t get what she wanted from him she later shagged his married friend while his wife was at home having their 1st daughter. But she never wanted to be called out on any of it because that’s “slut Shaming.” Hannah later did some other pretty messed up stuff, but that’s a story for another day.

AVI who was talking to my wife and I’d known since I was 19, had actually trying his luck with her and had been for years at that point. Creeping on her when I wasn’t around, when staying in my house, or coming away with us. She’d told me, but I guess I didn’t know the extent of it and he did all this. All the while wanting to get involved in any production that I was a part of. Of course I was helping him until I found out what he’d been up too. Not only that but i’ve since found out about the many things he’s done while working with film students is Bleaurgh!

GUNTHER while at the event with his wife and taking pictures with the mums, had been getting into my wife’s best friend’s DMs trying to organise a little Suttin Suttin. Then later tried to shag my other good friends wife when she’d got a job on a project we were in.

My buddy TIMMY who asked me to be patron of his charity which I was for years. He had me proud as punch on the front of the website. I remember once he couldn’t get into the BAFTAs due to not having/Forgetting his ticket, and literally used me to get in because security trusted me when I told them he was all good. Yeah that same Timmy. Timmy not only stopped speaking to me after the articles, but put out a statements from his charity within hours saying they were supporting everyone that spoke bout me, without even a call.

And to top it all off.

TINA tried to sue me and claim copyright in films that were nothing to do with her. Fraudulently manipulated contracts on jobs she had worked on and so much more.

10 years later.

Not one of those industry people that came to my 40th birthday speak to me. *NOT ONE.

For most of the above its fear. The fear of the way they know they have behaved in the past, because like most people. Everyone has some sort of skeleton.

For some it’s the fear of being associated with someone that’s been labelled the way I have been and protecting themselves no matter what.

What you realise is very few people actually care about others. They care about how other people can help them, and when you no longer can cast you aside.

What’s interesting is this. You know who do still speak to me, who do still invite me around, hang out and look after me and my family. The people that weren’t in the industry.

They still had jobs and lives and careers that could have ben lost, but they were people that were friends because they were actually friends and they knew me as the person I really ma. Even those who had questions were still balanced and wiling to listen. That’s the essence of friendship.

As I pray for health as I head to the big 5.0 I can’t help but wonder if -

1 - I’ll get there with all the Stress I’ve had.

2 - Who will be my friends if I do.

and

3 - Who will be my friends in another 10 years if I get there. because I can tell you the last 10 have changed everything, firstly it was in a good way then in the worst way. It takes a click of a button and 1 second to change your life.

One thing I do know is I don’t have that fear they have.

I don’t fear what people will say about me anymore whether truth or lies, because you’ve basically said it all and lied about the rest.

I may be able to prove that on the stand, I may not. But one way or another I will show you all what they did.

So In my mind I’m already free, and while I wish them no ill will like they have me, the world has a way of balancing things out.

I just hope I’m here to see it.

Red Velvet Cake

The Invite

*There is one person actually.

*I will one day switch this article to the real names of the people involved.

N