The Friendship Conundrum
How many Friends do you REALLY have.
Friends. Especially nowadays seem rare. People seem to be more into just looking out for themselves. Which isn’t a problem if you believe in self care which we all should but at what point does that mean not care for anyone else. Based on what happend to me i really started thinking about all the friends I had. And my Clarke Math shook it all down to this.
Lets say you have 100 friends. I don’t, but lest say you did.
5% - Of them are flat out not your friends and you kind of already know that deep down. They are just people that other people know that you’ve been around once or twice.
10% - Don’t like you really (Be honest. you feel this. Now your thinking about it you can probably pick them out)
10% - You kinda don’t actually like. Right? You get on kinda but you wouldn’t have them in your house, and when you think about why it’s because you don’t really like them
20% - Are semi friends. you’ve been around them a fair bit but it’s only because they are friends with your other friends. Like your friends friend from school or her area, but the opposite to where you know them from.
20% - Are only really around for what they can get out of you. Whether it be Physical, emotional or financial. Or maybe they are just soul sucking Emotional vampires. A lot of people are just in it for what they can whether intentional or not.
5% Of them are jealous and competing with you even if you don’t know. Not much more needs to be said here. But you’ll always find these guy with similar bags or trainers and it’s not just because they like them.
10% - That do really like you are super flakey so you don’t hear from them anyway. This people really do like you but are distracted and not always around.
10% - That you really like are busy with their own shit, work and family etc. You really like these guys. they are not flakey, they are driven and work hard but just like you they are busy with their own shit so catching up is super rare.
Not many left is there.
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Now imagine shit hit the fan for you. Really hit the fan.
How many of your remaining “friends” would be there for you in your time of need?
What percentage are actually real?
Feel free to guess in the comments.
Or I can tell you.
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Also really think about what kind of friend you are. Would you be there for someone.
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Finding out who we are is as important as knowing who’s around you. The numbers above are just pie in the sky and may be different for you but I hope it at least inspires some thought. No idea what he real outcome for each of you would be. It’s a conundrum, but not one you shouldn’t think about.
I genuinely don't have any friends....not from school, uni, previous work environments. I have a lot of acquaintances or what I refer to as situational friends but nobody that I can actually call a friend and nobody to rely on.
My husband is my friend, of course, but he's also my love, my soul mate and confidante so I absolutely expect friendship and loyalty from him and give it unconditionally in return.
Other than that, my dog is my world and probably the one I speak to the most and share the most of my heart with.
Some people may think that's sad, but like you, I've come to realise that you can count on nobody but yourself.
It's a tough place to be, mentally and spiritually sometimes but on the whole, I'm happy and content with my lot.
It's vital to be comfortable with yourself and your own company (even when your head/mind/mental state does you dirty)
But it can get lonely sometimes too I guess
Having been in the services for 20 years, I can honestly say I have friends from that time who would stand shoulder to shoulder with me if the chips were down.
Indeed, when I suffered mental health problems five years ago there seemed a never ending queue of people prepared to offer help, comfort and support to me and my family. They even clubbed together and paid my wage whilst I was away from my family getting treatment to ensure my family wouldn't be put under further hardship.
What you have to realise is that I have been out of the services for almost thirty years, but the bond of friendship I had over the period I served has remained steadfast.
However, I have found my civilian friends to be on and off. I have moved jobs several times and lost contact with nearly everyone I worked with. I will admit it's a two way thing, but they just seem to disappear into the ether after a few months.
Therefore, in my opinion, friendship is about true bonds and what you have faced together with your real friends. I find quite a lot of the people/friends I have in civilian life are fickle and fit into most of the categories in your observation. There maybe one or two I can rely upon, but would I trust my life to them? I'm not sure I would. And would they come to my aid after 30 years? I very much doubt they would.