I genuinely don't have any friends....not from school, uni, previous work environments. I have a lot of acquaintances or what I refer to as situational friends but nobody that I can actually call a friend and nobody to rely on.
My husband is my friend, of course, but he's also my love, my soul mate and confidante so I absolutely expect friendship and loyalty from him and give it unconditionally in return.
Other than that, my dog is my world and probably the one I speak to the most and share the most of my heart with.
Some people may think that's sad, but like you, I've come to realise that you can count on nobody but yourself.
It's a tough place to be, mentally and spiritually sometimes but on the whole, I'm happy and content with my lot.
It's vital to be comfortable with yourself and your own company (even when your head/mind/mental state does you dirty)
Having been in the services for 20 years, I can honestly say I have friends from that time who would stand shoulder to shoulder with me if the chips were down.
Indeed, when I suffered mental health problems five years ago there seemed a never ending queue of people prepared to offer help, comfort and support to me and my family. They even clubbed together and paid my wage whilst I was away from my family getting treatment to ensure my family wouldn't be put under further hardship.
What you have to realise is that I have been out of the services for almost thirty years, but the bond of friendship I had over the period I served has remained steadfast.
However, I have found my civilian friends to be on and off. I have moved jobs several times and lost contact with nearly everyone I worked with. I will admit it's a two way thing, but they just seem to disappear into the ether after a few months.
Therefore, in my opinion, friendship is about true bonds and what you have faced together with your real friends. I find quite a lot of the people/friends I have in civilian life are fickle and fit into most of the categories in your observation. There maybe one or two I can rely upon, but would I trust my life to them? I'm not sure I would. And would they come to my aid after 30 years? I very much doubt they would.
The clip from one of Muhammad Ali's chats with Michael Parkinson on friendship really hit home for me... it was something along the lines of "A friend is someone willing to lay down their life for you (and vice versa)"
At the age of 52, I have 4 friends. I thought I had more, but some years ago the shit hit the fan, things were said about me that were not true and my circle diminished. Horrible at the time, and I would not want to live through it again, but on reflection it turned out well. Because those I have now are real. ❤️
Some people might be flaky friends to one, loyal to another. Loyal friendship is a big investment, you can't do that for 100 people. I had a work tribunal more than 10 years ago and had to seek character references. I had just got married with many friends there. Luckily most of them were happy to do a reference. One guy did a reference, I didn't even ask him for. Then there were a few I considered close who just didn't do it, too busy maybe or didn't want to tarnish their names. Sometimes my friends bring that episode up as a piss-take, it annoys me if they didn't back me at the time. Things is some "disloyal" friends can also be great fun in good times.
I genuinely don't have any friends....not from school, uni, previous work environments. I have a lot of acquaintances or what I refer to as situational friends but nobody that I can actually call a friend and nobody to rely on.
My husband is my friend, of course, but he's also my love, my soul mate and confidante so I absolutely expect friendship and loyalty from him and give it unconditionally in return.
Other than that, my dog is my world and probably the one I speak to the most and share the most of my heart with.
Some people may think that's sad, but like you, I've come to realise that you can count on nobody but yourself.
It's a tough place to be, mentally and spiritually sometimes but on the whole, I'm happy and content with my lot.
It's vital to be comfortable with yourself and your own company (even when your head/mind/mental state does you dirty)
But it can get lonely sometimes too I guess
This is me exactly 😀
Having been in the services for 20 years, I can honestly say I have friends from that time who would stand shoulder to shoulder with me if the chips were down.
Indeed, when I suffered mental health problems five years ago there seemed a never ending queue of people prepared to offer help, comfort and support to me and my family. They even clubbed together and paid my wage whilst I was away from my family getting treatment to ensure my family wouldn't be put under further hardship.
What you have to realise is that I have been out of the services for almost thirty years, but the bond of friendship I had over the period I served has remained steadfast.
However, I have found my civilian friends to be on and off. I have moved jobs several times and lost contact with nearly everyone I worked with. I will admit it's a two way thing, but they just seem to disappear into the ether after a few months.
Therefore, in my opinion, friendship is about true bonds and what you have faced together with your real friends. I find quite a lot of the people/friends I have in civilian life are fickle and fit into most of the categories in your observation. There maybe one or two I can rely upon, but would I trust my life to them? I'm not sure I would. And would they come to my aid after 30 years? I very much doubt they would.
This is deep. I'm glad you have friends like that. For sure wish that i did.
I just looked it up, here it is: https://youtube.com/shorts/fUfOHgG9rUE?si=smMGkjlrDqmwWZln
The clip from one of Muhammad Ali's chats with Michael Parkinson on friendship really hit home for me... it was something along the lines of "A friend is someone willing to lay down their life for you (and vice versa)"
He also has a beautiful poem on friendship.
At the age of 52, I have 4 friends. I thought I had more, but some years ago the shit hit the fan, things were said about me that were not true and my circle diminished. Horrible at the time, and I would not want to live through it again, but on reflection it turned out well. Because those I have now are real. ❤️
Some people might be flaky friends to one, loyal to another. Loyal friendship is a big investment, you can't do that for 100 people. I had a work tribunal more than 10 years ago and had to seek character references. I had just got married with many friends there. Luckily most of them were happy to do a reference. One guy did a reference, I didn't even ask him for. Then there were a few I considered close who just didn't do it, too busy maybe or didn't want to tarnish their names. Sometimes my friends bring that episode up as a piss-take, it annoys me if they didn't back me at the time. Things is some "disloyal" friends can also be great fun in good times.
I hear you