Who do you think they are?

A lesson in friendship

A lot of people turned on me when shit hit the fan.

A few weeks back I bumped in to one of them.

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Now I’m sure this will be a more common occurrence as I just live life but this guy was a friend. At least that’s what I thought. So I met… Lets call him Rece (Not his real name, but a hint in there)

I first met Rece in 2009. And when I did he was still a struggling alcoholic and various other things. I liked him. I didn’t care about anything in his past or any mistakes he’d made (The irony) and there were a few I’ve heard about.

I was a friend to Rece from that point. I gave advice, friendship, Jobs (a few jobs) introductions, helped with new agents and was never not there for this guy. He knew he could be around me and while others were doing madness, he knew with me there was no drink, no late nights, no partying *sniff sniff* or any other drugs. And despite what they promised you, nothing out of the realms of being a normal human being.

I even put him in touch with friends and Doctors at the hair clinic when he was losing his shit about going bald. This guy was someone I considered a friend.

And Then - April 29th 2021 - 7:35pm

That’s when everything was published. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised at Rece. Considering what was done and said was done by some supposed Former Friends. But in that time. In the darkest moments when I was going to cut my throat, In those times where we nearly lost our baby and then nearly didn’t have the little one. In those times when I was insane with grief and not knowing who, where, what, why I was existing and how I would ever live, Rece was no where to be found. And he was not the only one. It took me about 6 months to get out of that mindset, before I started collecting my information.

But there was no conversation with Rece. No, confrontation to ask if everything was true, false, in the middle. There was no friendship. Was there ever? Rece was just gone. I called one day when at my lowest, he didn’t answer. Then he texted me and said he’d call back later and never did. I wonder if he’d have cared if I’d left the earth at that point.

I couldn’t fathom that all those years I helped Rece, every job, every talk, every laugh, every meet, every call, everyTHING was just about what he could get from me and now I had outlived my usefulness that was it. But that’s clearly what it was.

Now I don’t discount fear. Fear plays a big part in people running away. It’s fight or flight isn’t it. It’s a real thing. very real. It’s like when the guy dropped dead in front of me last year and everyone stepped back. Only myself and another guy sprung into action and saved him (will write about that soon) Fight or Flight is real.

So anyway. A few weeks back I take my 2nd kid out on a daddy/kid day. I like to give them their own time with me. We have a great day out and as we exit the last event which was the Balloon exhibition near Tower bridge, I see a guy from behind and I immediately know it’s Rece. You know when you know someone so well you recognise them anywhere?

So as I step out, he’s just exiting to. He didn’t know I was there but he turns as if he feels it and there we are, face to face, 2 feet away from each other.

His eyes go wide and he says “Noel…? How you doing man?”

I stared at him for what felt like forever, but was probably only about 15 hard seconds.

There was a lot I wanted to do.

To say.

I can’t really tell you what the first thoughts were because this would be a very different post, but I wanted him to know I was okay, but what he did was not.

In the silence, in the stare. He got that message. Then out the corner of my eye I saw his wife and kid. My kid was also standing there so I Just said very clearly. “I’m good”. And went on my way.

I was good. I wasn’t happy, but I was good. And If one little bit of the guy I knew was in there I know that would have played on his mind for a couple of days.

I understand people a lot more now. I see people for what and who they are a lot easier. It’s a shame all this had to happen for me to get that level of clarity.

So look at your friends. Look at them closely. Think about who will be there if shit ever really hit the fan.

Ask yourself who do you think they are?

Then ask yourself. Who are they really?

Rece